It is Sunday afternoon and I sit alone in my car outside the supermarket. I can’t stand to be at home. My husband’s negative energy smothers me and the weight is too much to bear, I am left feeling breathless and defeated.
Only the previous night we were laughing together, we booked tickets to America for a family holiday next year. We were planning our future, our last few holidays with our teenage children. He placed his arm around me as a comfort as I became upset about how quickly time was passing. This morning he pulled the rug out from under me. A surly greeting from our teenage daughter caused him to explode and set off his usual fireworks at the kitchen table. We ate in silence punctuated by his temper. Tears welled, although I did not allow him the satisfaction of seeing them fall. After all, passive aggression is my strong point.
I retreated to our bedroom where the tears spilled, tracking their well-forged path to the damp spot on my pillow. In my head I made the usual plan: a small modern townhouse with three bedrooms, no garden to tend and a sunny courtyard with a simple outdoor setting on which to write. The kids can visit him on alternate weekends, although I’m not sure that our daughter will? Twenty-plus years together and although we are closer than ever, my dream house is slowly being completed. On this day I chose a painting for the lounge room wall.
So far the day is wasted. Washing is piled high and the fridge remains empty. Guilt creeps in and I head into the supermarket. A child bumps me with a trolley. I want to scream at his father, ‘control your child.’ Instead I simply smile and return to the arduous task of selecting the ingredients for our evening meal. I will cook us a homely, nurturing dinner: we need it. Spaghetti and meatballs, a Sunday favourite.
Later that night we will sit together as a family at the kitchen table, the discussion may be stilted. He will enquire about our son’s homework and our daughter will seethe and huff, ignoring us all. I will sit quietly, planning to get this ship back on course. When I go to bed he will bring me a cup of tea and a biscuit, quietly place it by my bedside, and then leave without a word. It will be in this instant I know that the next day we will move together again. A tentative tango at first, then determined and purposeful – just like the way he swirls his spaghetti around his fork.
‘There are no mistakes in the tango, not like life.’ The Scent of a Woman
With each step the townhouse is slowly dismantled.
Spaghetti and Meatballs
Meatballs:
250g pork mince * 250g veal mince * 1 large egg * ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg * a pinch of salt & pepper
Sauce:
Olive oil * 3 celery stalks diced * 1 clove garlic * a large jar of tomato passata * 250g tin of diced tomatoes
Combine meatball ingredients and roll into golf size balls. Sauté celery and garlic in olive oil for 3 min. Add tinned tomatoes and passata. Stir and lower heat, then cook for 5 minutes. Gently add meatballs ensuring they are submerged in the sauce. Cover with a lid and continue to cook for 45 minutes.
Serve with your favourite pasta and lots of fresh parmesan cheese.
Buon Appetito x
September 8, 2014 at 11:29 pm
I love this. I think you would really like my most recent article about being in love, you should check it out! http://serendipityandcreativity.com/2014/09/04/25-moments-that-make-being-in-love-so-incredible/
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September 9, 2014 at 8:06 am
Thanks Lexi, it’s my first foray into blogging and I appreciate your interest. I will check your blog out!
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September 10, 2014 at 2:15 pm
Well welcome! Blogging is amazing and the opportunity that it has given me has really changed my life! If you are every looking for a fellow blogger to share ideas with or chat, just shoot me an email any time.
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September 16, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Wow, so well written. If this is true then so sad but with hope. And if it is just creative story-telling then you really have a gift. Well done. Came here via Community Pool on WordPress and really enjoy your writing. Just brilliant!
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September 16, 2014 at 9:32 pm
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. I appreciate that you saw a glimmer of hope. It was how I was hoping it would read. 🙂
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September 17, 2014 at 11:07 am
A beautiful powerful expression of self. It is haunting in its honesty.
Great work sweetheart.X
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October 8, 2014 at 3:49 pm
This was well written with such detail, you did a good job!:-)
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October 8, 2014 at 4:17 pm
Thank you. 😉
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December 13, 2014 at 3:42 pm
Loved this piece, so much honesty (yes, I could definitely relate since our marriage is approaching its 20th anniversary). You might want to take a look at my cooking-related post (noticed you always include a recipe in yours) … http://ramblingsfromruwais.weebly.com/homeschooling/while-i-was-cooking
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February 11, 2015 at 7:43 am
Reblogged this on Beyond the picket fence and commented:
In a few days it will be Valentines day, our twenty-second together. I wanted to share my first post with you and let you know that today my home is full and brimming with our belongings, my fantasy home mentioned below has been well and truly dismantled (for the moment!). This is the natural course of a relationship. There are no secrets to happiness and a successful marriage, all I can suggest is to enjoy the good times when they arrive. Laugh, live and love…
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February 11, 2015 at 8:50 am
So close to Valentine’s Day, this is the perfect post for a dose of reality. People sometimes think that love is just magic and no work. Your post shows that any relationship worth having is worth working at. It is beautifully written and very honest which makes it so powerful. Great job. I hope your “dream home” is never built.
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February 11, 2015 at 9:14 am
Thanks for your kind words. Sometimes your ‘dream’ can quickly turn into a ‘nightmare’, I too hope that never happens! 🙂
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February 11, 2015 at 12:30 pm
perfect post for the Valentine 🙂
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February 11, 2015 at 12:31 pm
Love and relationships are hard work. Beautifully written 🙂
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February 11, 2015 at 8:23 pm
So beautifully written and so poignant. I can certainly relate to these emotions myself with two grown up children and a 25 year old marriage. Well done 🙂
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February 12, 2015 at 4:46 am
This is a lovely write. It makes me think of the give and take sometimes the relationship has to understand the people that is in them. I once heard a comedian say and I paraphrase “its easy to fall in love and get married, but can someone tell me how to stay there” that’s the trick.
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February 12, 2015 at 4:46 am
By the way thanks for the recipe 🙂
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March 3, 2015 at 1:07 am
This was a very good post and picture of the “tango” of marriage. Thanks for your honest writing and hope you keep posting!!!
PS – I found you because of your introductory post over on OM’s blog!
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March 8, 2015 at 6:15 pm
Raw and well written, and quite true when it comes to marriage and kids, especially teens. Our youngest is approaching those years, so my wife and I are getting dressed in our fatigues again, ready for battle.
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March 8, 2015 at 6:29 pm
We may be eating meatballs here again tonight! 😉
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March 8, 2015 at 6:45 pm
The Sunday favorite. Always there are the ups and downs when it comes to marriage and family. And it sounds like you have worked very hard in the marriage. A very good wife in my estimation! Your husband is lucky to have you. :o)
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March 8, 2015 at 6:54 pm
Or sausages could be on the menu 🙂 https://vlbw.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/when-you-always-have-fillet-steak-do-you-sometimes-crave-sausage/
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March 8, 2015 at 7:09 pm
Mixing it up always satisfies a good appetite. Maybe because it’s unexpected, and different is exciting. It’ll never replace comfort food, but adventure is in the surprise.
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August 20, 2015 at 11:36 pm
I loved this! Very nice description of life and making the best of things! Spaghetti yumm
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August 21, 2015 at 12:52 pm
Thanks for reading and commenting. Yes the humdrum of life and a simple spaghetti – they seem to go hand-in-hand – and let’s not forget a good red wine too!
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August 21, 2015 at 12:55 pm
Yes ha ha I liked it! witty and interesting
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August 21, 2015 at 12:55 pm
I also like your blog name!
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August 21, 2015 at 12:56 pm
Wow 9 kids! I can’t wait to read your blog… glad to have found you here!
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August 21, 2015 at 12:58 pm
yes me too!
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