Beyond the picket fence

not quite as it seems…


Sultry and sexy

A most embarrassing reading


What does one wear when speaking in front of an audience, in a darkened auditorium, about comparing their sex life to a bit of sausage?

A few weeks ago I was asked to present a piece of my work from my writing course to an audience of fellow students, their friends and families, and the university staff. It was up to me to choose a piece to read, but my tutor very persuasively suggested it should be my blog piece: ‘When you have fillet steak each night do you sometimes feel like sausage?’ I agreed. Reluctantly.

Why did I allow myself to be talked into this? I thought and immediately began to regret my decision. ‘What about a nice piece of romantic fiction?’ I pleaded. My fellow students rehearsed their respective works and I practised mine; it was unanimous they all agreed that it had to be the ‘sausage’ piece.

The big night arrived. I was at home relishing the final fleeting moments before the impending humiliation. What does one wear when speaking in front of an audience, in a darkened (thank god) auditorium, about how they see their sex life as a bit of sausage? Continue reading “A most embarrassing reading”

We have to break-up


‘I just can’t be your friend anymore.’ Kellie’s words spilled out between her sobs as she sat crumpled on the pavement. She looked towards Dave who was pacing around nervously.

Kellie had been the source of my first heart-break. We were nineteen. She was flirtatious, foul-mouthed and fiery, but above all she was fun. A dangerous kind of fun. If this was The Great Gatsby  then she would be Jay and I would be Nick. Kellie was an eternal party and I tagged along for the ride, curiously attracted to the illicit fun. For Kellie, the bigger the party the better; there was no such thing as a small gathering or a quiet night at home. Her boyfriend, Dave, seemed to prefer the smaller ones.

One evening he proposed that a night with just the three of us (and plenty of alcohol) would be the perfect party. Continue reading “We have to break-up”

When you always have fillet steak do you sometimes crave sausage?


While dining out with friends recently, we discussed the topic of Hugh Grant cheating on his then girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley, with Divine Brown a Los Angeles prostitute. Some of my friends were quick to judge and share their opinions. When I voiced my shock that he could cheat on one of the most beautiful women in the world a male friend quickly interjected:

“When you have fillet steak each night sometimes all you want is a bit of sausage…”

Continue reading “When you always have fillet steak do you sometimes crave sausage?”

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